Looking for Pancho

I want to be aligned to God's purpose for me. But what is that purpose? How can I find it? How long will I take to discover it? I understand that there's no fun in anticipating what the future has in store for me. There's fun in peeling it, layer by layer, as the years go by. And then, there's Pancho. I spend a lot of time thinking about Pancho. I think I could've loved him or at least befriended him. I think of the intensity with which he lived his life. And most of all I think of how deeply he loved. I've never really loved anybody and I don't think I've ever let anybody really love me. I'm 45 years old and I've never had a long-term relationship in my life. I often wonder if it will  ever happen for me. The best moments I've had in life are those when I've connected with another human being. Can I still aspire to have a relationship as profound as Pancho had in his own life? The years go by. I'm at peace with whatever God has planned for me. My job is simply to discover it, constantly, day by day. If love with another man is not in the cards, then I'm ready for what is. I know Pancho is looking out for me. And I know God is guiding my footsteps. Maybe I created this blog to record my journey over the next year. As I learn more about Pancho's life, maybe I'll find new things about mine. As I look for Pancho, I might find myself.